Updated: Feb 28, 2020
And I'm kind've done.
Not with blogging (I ain't no quitter, especially before I've started) but with a great many other things in my life that I have been tolerating for much longer than I should have. I'm shifting. It's going to take a bit of explaining to unpack, so I won't cram it all into your head in one post. Lordy help us all. But if you stick around long enough, you'll soon learn the extent of what is turning out to be a massive shift in lifestyle, principles, thought patterns, intentions, and most importantly... business.
Thanks to having pretty much the most amazing Badass Baws Babe of a business partner in Sarah May Alexander, I've found myself reaching this conclusion with not only her full backing support, but her indelible drive to do exactly the same for herself and our business.
Hold up - why so salty?
I'm not salty, I swear it. I've just decided to stand by my favourite Eleanor Roosevelt quote:
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you will be criticised anyway.”
Our business was borne and built off the encouragement to be kind. But somewhere along the way I muddled up being kind with tolerating the actions and behaviour of people who were fully disrespecting, smack talking, and/or taking advantage of me, of Sarah, or of us both, because I thought if I spoke up and stood my ground and said "Hold up, this is not okay. You are not okay. You're actually being a bit of an asshole." that I would be not be practicing what I preached and everything we built would be a sham, resulting in the self-destructive crumbling of years of very hard work with little to no financial reward. I would be a sham.
Fuck, let that one sink in.
I let myself be led by fear. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of hurting anyone else. In doing so, I actually invited people into my life and into our business who rejected and failed and hurt me. People I actually really trusted and many more who I don't even know. I stifled Sarah from saying what her heart needed to say to those people on many occasions because I feared that we could not think separately or have two different approaches and still thrive together. I found myself apologising for the success that we have created for ourselves because we had the audacity to seek success or take ownership of a thriving community that was cultivated and cared for by us.
But this is the beauty of it all. I have been pushed (against my will at the time, admittedly) into being faced with these facts and the most amazing thing has happened. These experiences, these challenges, these people - they've given me a gift.
Get to the fucking point, Anna.
I no longer give a shit. I no longer care if you're offended by my swearing, or you think I drink too much with Sarah when we're supposed to be getting work done (okay, that one's a fair point). I don't care if you think that I, Sarah, or any of our incredible and loyal members (and actual friends) is too old, too young, too boring, too unprofessional, too cheap, too expensive, too daggy, too trendy, too quiet, too loud, too insensitive about every activism cause under the goddamn sun, too whatever-else-has-been-thrown-at-us.
I actually don't give a shit.
I'm no longer apologising for, or holding back on, the drive that is inbuilt in both Sarah & me to grow this entity that we know has great power for good things. I'm not trying to silence those people. Speak your truth. Good ons. I just expect them to leave my life professionally & personally to make room for the light, happy, genuinely like-minded people whose space they are rahudely taking up.
What's more, I'm coming out from hiding. I'm not interested in avoiding social media in the hopes that I won't upset, hurt, or offend someone by sharing my life incase it doesn't align with someone else's values or I look old or tired or double chinned in the fucking photo. Or too fabulous.
I am embracing honesty, authenticity, and yes, still kindness to the best of my ability. You'll see what goes on behind the scenes of the business, you'll see my home, my day, my family. You'll see me. And if you don't love it, then cool. I'm totally okay with that. I just ask that you go somewhere else to find something else you do love and leave me be in the process.
So here goes.
I am sharing all of myself with all of the world and I believe to the core of my being that by doing so, the hundreds of people who have been loyal and supportive and encouraging and kind to us, who know and trust our authentic vision & purpose, will finally be able to see the person they have been looking to & waiting for to help lead this community.
Thank you unendingly to those people for your patience and your love which I feel every day. I'm sorry you had to wait while I hibernated and played it safe and convinced myself that acting likeable didn't compromise my capacity to express my worth.
That which is like unto itself, is drawn. So, here I am in full colour.